He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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