She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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