The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
