It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
