Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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