I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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