i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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