Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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