I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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