he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
