get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
