I hate your face
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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