we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
