I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
