I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
