I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm like, not good at living.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
