If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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