When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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