Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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