I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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