a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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