You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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