i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
