The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
