How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
