I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
