my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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