fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
