Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
did i just pee glitter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
