I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
