This girl is more easily done than said...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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