That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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