I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The air taste purple.
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