I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
