my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
