mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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