careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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