I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
