What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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