I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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