I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
