I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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