Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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