Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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