That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
