Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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