Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
