make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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