are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
