Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
