We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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