He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
this hospital has no fireball
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
