What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
