There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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