Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
